The Voice and The Mind

by ~Celestial-Remains

Why don’t I?
Why don’t I just let go of it all?
Why? Because I am scared.
Scared of what?
Scared of the fall.
But wait, why now?
Why not just let it go later?
Because what would stop me from postponing it again?
Me, I would stop you.
But we are the same are we not? 
The voice and the mind?
No we are different.
You are what I want to be true yet I am the one who knows the truth and yet not how to admit it.
But still, I want to end it., is this not the truth?
No. the truth is that you want to want to end it.
But I know that you are not ready and that you should continue
But why should I not end it? If I will want to end it in the future then why should I suffer more than necessary.
Why? Because you are not ready!
But why? Why do I need to know that one day I will end it all but I must suffer before I do
but is suffering not how we learn to cope with life? Without suffering, a minor occurrence would be enough to push us over the edge and then everyone would want to end it and the human race would end
But just one?
One lost life cannot be the end of an entire race, it just ends my suffering which has already surpassed normal levels and which one day may grow so intense that you break and I cannot end it.
I will not break! I cannot break! I would merely change at my whim in order to make sense of the pain you and I encounter.
But what if your ‘Changes’ prevent me from doing it, just as you are preventing me from doing it now.
But I am preventing you now… would my changes not allow you to do this currently unthinkable act?
But now you are, are you not, considering allowing our body to let me convince you to allow it to stop both of our pain. So your ‘Changes’ may let me convince you or may make it impossible for me to convince you.
You pose a good point for a voice and I may have to consider allowing you to go through with this… but I pose the question! What of those you love? Do you not need to help them and do they not need you? What would they do if you ended your existence?
They may not exist themselves…
My friends might kill themselves…
It may ‘Change’ their minds…
Would they survive?

I for once do not know, this is hard… you need to survive for others yet your survival causes self suffering… the lives you have saved may not be saved for long if you end this.
Stay alive… 
For them.

I might… No. I will. So they can survive, the lives of many are far more important than the suffering of a single man. They mean too much for me… I am saved by my own kindness but I am still not happy.
And yet together we must suffer some more until the point of no return.